So much more than a Coat by Bailey
3 years ago
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Week 3
So, this is the end of week 3 of doing strength training 3 times a week. I really need to step up my cardio though. My diet......*Sigh* I think I'm doing better. I have not weighed in and I'm not going to. I have a feeling that I really haven't lost much, if anything. It's still a struggle to make good food choices all the time....I'm still a work in progress! :)
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Wow!
So, I have decided that I am really NOT good at blogging- maybe it's the fact that I'm boring and nothing really goes on in my life to even blog or things that I don't even want to remember for the future.....Whatever the reason may be- I have been slacking on the blogging. I think that this post is mostly just going to be stuff that has been on my mind, and probably some complaining, so if you don't care to read it, you don't have to! :)
I have really been struggling with gaining weight that last couple of years (like 20-25 pounds!!!! ahhhhh!!). I mean, I KNOW that what I'm putting in my body (LOTS of carbs and fats- mostly cheese) is not good. But I don't really think that I have changed what I have been eating since I was a teenager. I don't drink alcohol, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, I don't eat a lot of sweets. Don't get me wrong, I do have cravings for sweet things sometimes and when I do have those cravings, I probably over-indulge a bit. I exercise almost every single day- I take classes at the gym (weight lifting, step aerobics, spinning, and occasionally water aerobics) I am on my feet at work a good part of the day, I may be gaining a bit of muscle...but muscle isn't going to make me look frumpy and have the number on the scale to continue to rise. It's so dis-heartening when I think that I do SOOO good for the week, and when I get on that scale- it's the exact same as it was the week before, and, lately, it's been UP!!!! NOOOOO! I sometimes just want to sit down and cry and feel sorry for myself. My life doesn't feel completely balanced for some reason- and maybe that is part of my problem. I'm trying to figure it out. Now that I am in my "late" 20's its getting harder and harder to lose weight. I'm not good at being on diets because as soon as I start a "diet" I want everything that I can't have.....and then I end up getting it and eating....a LOT. :( Unfortunately, the gene pool I come from, gives me a good chance of NOT being a skinny Minnie. Granted, that is not my ultimate goal- I know my body type just doesn't allow me to be stick thin and to be honest, I don't want to be. I like my curves but I don't like my frumpy middle and my HUGE legs and butt. Even with logging all of my food (which I don't think it is THAT accurate because I don't weigh my food and I'm pretty sure I log it as LESS than what I am actually eating) it doesn't deter me from eating bread, crackers, pasta, cheese, and chocolate. In my mind I have myself motivated and I can see what I want to look like and I want my clothes to fit me the way they used to. I have been refusing to buy new clothes because I don't want to buy bigger clothes because my delusional mind still thinks that I am gonna lose weight and inches and then I won't have to buy any new clothes and if I DO buy new clothes right now, then I will have "fat" clothes and it will be a waste of money- it makes me feel like I'm just giving up and giving in. I DON'T WANT THAT FOR ME!!!! Every week I think, "This is the week that you are gonna do it Shauna" and in my mind I do a GREAT job on my diet and exercise and water intake, just to be disappointed again. I guess I will take this opportunity to re-commit to myself and whomever (which is probably no one but it makes me feel better that others may be reading this) reads this that I AM going to get my food under control. I know I can do it. I am the one that buys the food, I am the one that MAKES the food. I have COMPLETE control over what goes into my body and what doesn't. I don't want to be the person that always says "I will start tomorrow" but I'm going to say that right now. Starting tomorrow, I am only going to eat food that fuels my body and is healthy for my body. I know that carbs and fats are good for me, to a certain degree so I can't fully cut them out of my diet- I just need to eat them in moderation. I will take a picture of me tonight (won't post it on here until I get to a good spot when I can post a before and after) and I will try and be better at blogging my journey to a healthier, happier life!
Other thoughts that I have had in the last few months is:
Why do things happen for some and not for others????
I never knew how hard it was to TRY to have a baby!!! You spend all this time and energy and money trying to prevent it with birth control, contraceptives, abstinence just to find out that when you are actually TRYING, it's not that easy!!!! It seems that when people "aren't trying" is when it happens and it seems that those that aren't trying aren't always ready, or mature, or in a place where bringing a child into the world isn't the best thing for them, whether it be situations in their life, the relationship they are in or not in for some......I try to always remind myself that things happen or don't happen for a reason, but it's really hard to be happy and excited for others when what they have is what you want and have been trying to get for an extended period of time. Maybe this is part of my weight problem too.....I'm bummed about NOT being pregnant and I'm using food to comfort me. I never thought that I was an emotional eater, but maybe I am...... Anyway, I guess when the time is right for me to be a Mother, it will happen and I need to not be mad at others, or jealous of others because they have been blessed with something that maybe God thinks I'm not completely ready for yet...Maybe I will just have to accept the fact that I'm just gonna be the "dog mommy" and not a Mommy to a human!..It's kind of a hard thing to accept, because as it is, I already feel like I'm behind in life and I know I shouldn't compare myself to anyone else because I am me and I'm not someone else. Looking back, I'm glad that I waited until I was older to get married and try to have kids, but I also look at some of my peers and they have been married 7....8 years and already have 3,4, and 5 kids!!! Not that I want 4 or 5 kids, but it just makes me feel like I'm behind!!!
I really feel stuck in my professional life too. I feel like I'm in a job that I'm done growing in. I wish that we could afford for me to go back to school so I could be a hygienist or a photographer or a social worker, or something to do in the justice system....Maybe it's a good thing I'm not going back to school because I really don't know what I would go back for! I just feel like I'm stuck right now in a job that I haven't had a raise in almost 4 years, I deal with co-workers that make it a more stressful job than it really should be, I have a boss that is more worried about making everyone happy and being accommodating to everyone when 2 out of the 4 assistants have clearly moved onto something different in their life -they are both going back to school to be in a totally different profession but yet, MY hours are being cut because the Dr doesn't want to lay anyone off so we have to have 4 assistants and we don't have the patient base we used to have. To say the least, there is quite a bit of tension and a bit of resentment in the office making it so that the environment isn't a fun one anymore.
I wish I had more money to decorate my house!!! we have been here over 2 years and the walls still seem bare, I haven't painted, I haven't added any more decoration, I don't have flowers in my yard, I don't have a garden spot in my yard. I have ugly bushes I want to get rid of in the front- but I refuse to do it myself because I feel that my husband should do it, and he isn't all that motivated to do yard work. He still hasn't kept his promise of picking up the dog poop on a weekly basis since we got the 2nd dog almost 2 years ago!!!!!
Anyway, I think I am done complaining for now, until I come up with something else! Tomorrow is the start to a new day!!! I will log my journey on getting myself back to a healthy place again! G'night!!!
I have really been struggling with gaining weight that last couple of years (like 20-25 pounds!!!! ahhhhh!!). I mean, I KNOW that what I'm putting in my body (LOTS of carbs and fats- mostly cheese) is not good. But I don't really think that I have changed what I have been eating since I was a teenager. I don't drink alcohol, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, I don't eat a lot of sweets. Don't get me wrong, I do have cravings for sweet things sometimes and when I do have those cravings, I probably over-indulge a bit. I exercise almost every single day- I take classes at the gym (weight lifting, step aerobics, spinning, and occasionally water aerobics) I am on my feet at work a good part of the day, I may be gaining a bit of muscle...but muscle isn't going to make me look frumpy and have the number on the scale to continue to rise. It's so dis-heartening when I think that I do SOOO good for the week, and when I get on that scale- it's the exact same as it was the week before, and, lately, it's been UP!!!! NOOOOO! I sometimes just want to sit down and cry and feel sorry for myself. My life doesn't feel completely balanced for some reason- and maybe that is part of my problem. I'm trying to figure it out. Now that I am in my "late" 20's its getting harder and harder to lose weight. I'm not good at being on diets because as soon as I start a "diet" I want everything that I can't have.....and then I end up getting it and eating....a LOT. :( Unfortunately, the gene pool I come from, gives me a good chance of NOT being a skinny Minnie. Granted, that is not my ultimate goal- I know my body type just doesn't allow me to be stick thin and to be honest, I don't want to be. I like my curves but I don't like my frumpy middle and my HUGE legs and butt. Even with logging all of my food (which I don't think it is THAT accurate because I don't weigh my food and I'm pretty sure I log it as LESS than what I am actually eating) it doesn't deter me from eating bread, crackers, pasta, cheese, and chocolate. In my mind I have myself motivated and I can see what I want to look like and I want my clothes to fit me the way they used to. I have been refusing to buy new clothes because I don't want to buy bigger clothes because my delusional mind still thinks that I am gonna lose weight and inches and then I won't have to buy any new clothes and if I DO buy new clothes right now, then I will have "fat" clothes and it will be a waste of money- it makes me feel like I'm just giving up and giving in. I DON'T WANT THAT FOR ME!!!! Every week I think, "This is the week that you are gonna do it Shauna" and in my mind I do a GREAT job on my diet and exercise and water intake, just to be disappointed again. I guess I will take this opportunity to re-commit to myself and whomever (which is probably no one but it makes me feel better that others may be reading this) reads this that I AM going to get my food under control. I know I can do it. I am the one that buys the food, I am the one that MAKES the food. I have COMPLETE control over what goes into my body and what doesn't. I don't want to be the person that always says "I will start tomorrow" but I'm going to say that right now. Starting tomorrow, I am only going to eat food that fuels my body and is healthy for my body. I know that carbs and fats are good for me, to a certain degree so I can't fully cut them out of my diet- I just need to eat them in moderation. I will take a picture of me tonight (won't post it on here until I get to a good spot when I can post a before and after) and I will try and be better at blogging my journey to a healthier, happier life!
Other thoughts that I have had in the last few months is:
Why do things happen for some and not for others????
I never knew how hard it was to TRY to have a baby!!! You spend all this time and energy and money trying to prevent it with birth control, contraceptives, abstinence just to find out that when you are actually TRYING, it's not that easy!!!! It seems that when people "aren't trying" is when it happens and it seems that those that aren't trying aren't always ready, or mature, or in a place where bringing a child into the world isn't the best thing for them, whether it be situations in their life, the relationship they are in or not in for some......I try to always remind myself that things happen or don't happen for a reason, but it's really hard to be happy and excited for others when what they have is what you want and have been trying to get for an extended period of time. Maybe this is part of my weight problem too.....I'm bummed about NOT being pregnant and I'm using food to comfort me. I never thought that I was an emotional eater, but maybe I am...... Anyway, I guess when the time is right for me to be a Mother, it will happen and I need to not be mad at others, or jealous of others because they have been blessed with something that maybe God thinks I'm not completely ready for yet...Maybe I will just have to accept the fact that I'm just gonna be the "dog mommy" and not a Mommy to a human!..It's kind of a hard thing to accept, because as it is, I already feel like I'm behind in life and I know I shouldn't compare myself to anyone else because I am me and I'm not someone else. Looking back, I'm glad that I waited until I was older to get married and try to have kids, but I also look at some of my peers and they have been married 7....8 years and already have 3,4, and 5 kids!!! Not that I want 4 or 5 kids, but it just makes me feel like I'm behind!!!
I really feel stuck in my professional life too. I feel like I'm in a job that I'm done growing in. I wish that we could afford for me to go back to school so I could be a hygienist or a photographer or a social worker, or something to do in the justice system....Maybe it's a good thing I'm not going back to school because I really don't know what I would go back for! I just feel like I'm stuck right now in a job that I haven't had a raise in almost 4 years, I deal with co-workers that make it a more stressful job than it really should be, I have a boss that is more worried about making everyone happy and being accommodating to everyone when 2 out of the 4 assistants have clearly moved onto something different in their life -they are both going back to school to be in a totally different profession but yet, MY hours are being cut because the Dr doesn't want to lay anyone off so we have to have 4 assistants and we don't have the patient base we used to have. To say the least, there is quite a bit of tension and a bit of resentment in the office making it so that the environment isn't a fun one anymore.
I wish I had more money to decorate my house!!! we have been here over 2 years and the walls still seem bare, I haven't painted, I haven't added any more decoration, I don't have flowers in my yard, I don't have a garden spot in my yard. I have ugly bushes I want to get rid of in the front- but I refuse to do it myself because I feel that my husband should do it, and he isn't all that motivated to do yard work. He still hasn't kept his promise of picking up the dog poop on a weekly basis since we got the 2nd dog almost 2 years ago!!!!!
Anyway, I think I am done complaining for now, until I come up with something else! Tomorrow is the start to a new day!!! I will log my journey on getting myself back to a healthy place again! G'night!!!
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